Inside the Mind of a Happy Side Dish

By Acen Miriam Carolyne                                                          Download pdf, epub, mobi




My names are Acen Miriam Carolyne. Most people call me “floetry” because of my poetry. I earned the nickname quite easily and adapted to it with ease on social media. To earn a living, I work in the operations department of a freight company in Jinja.

Hmmm… I have been a poet for a short time, I should say. I started writing while in secondary school, but I only became a fully fledged poet recently. Well, you know the cliche, “Not everyone who writes poetry is a poet”. My moment came last year. I wrote a poem for my online community, and their feedback overwhelmed me. Until then, I thought of myself as a not-so-good-pretender, but those comments encouraged me to write more, and to try to get published. Soon after this, I was selected to participate in a workshop, along with nine other poets, at the British Council. I met very wonderful poets and writers, and I learned a lot… Then, last month, I came second in the Muwado Love Letter Writing Competition. Hmmm, beautiful moments, I love to cherish, but all these prepare me for a brighter future…. For now, these achievements have inspired me to compile a collection, hopefully to be published later this year or early next. Something floetic, I should say.


Sadly, I have never performed on stage. Lets blame it on stage fright. Once, I registered to perform at Poetry in Session. My name was called out twice, but I remained quiet and hidden. For some reason I just got scared, yet I was really up to it. I think that living and working in Jinja limits my participation in many poetry events. Most of these fall on week nights, and so I cannot attend. I wish they would have stuff over weekends as well.


I got to write this poem, Inside the Happy Mind of a Side Dish, after considering various perceptions in society about women and marriage. I must say that Maya Angelou's poem, Phenomenal Woman, was a great inspiration in writing this one, but I had to put into consideration the labels and brands that society places on 'side dishes', and I had to tell their side of the story. I'm talking about women who out actively pursue men, but only for the second position. They will tell the man, stay with your main wife, or your girlfriend, and keep me on the side. Their reasons range from the non-committal aspect, and benefits which are attributed to financial security. I read about some of their experiences in the media, but I have also interacted with women who are comfortable in that role, who love being the other woman in a man’s life.


When it came to picking a title, I had trouble. There were several options, including The Other Woman, and Side Dish, but I love the longer title very much, “Inside the mind of a happy side dish.” It reflects what I want to say about these women. While society is quick to condemn then, I want to portray them in an ordinary, and very humane way, just as feminists would portray strong female characters in the roles of doctor or engineer or queen.


But of course, when people come across this poem, they get mixed reactions. Some find the concept rather offensive, controversial, and very provocative, especially since the society attaches particularly strong moral values to marriage and relationships. Those against it argue for the preservation of the institution of marriage, given that side dishes have earned the name “home wreckers.” I surely will not be shocked if there are a few negative reactions to this poem. I once shared a written version of it on facebook, and the reactions were mostly comical, I should say. Most men liked it, for obvious reasons I should think. Hahaha…


Am I married? *Smirk face* No. I am not yet married, but I'm currently dating. I have a beautiful two year old daughter too. This poem is not autobiographical at all. I have never been a side dish, and I do not think I want to ever be one. It is purely my imagination. The idea tickled my brains and I kept wondering what a woman who is a side dish might think of, how much comfort and satisfaction such a woman would derive from being second in a man’s life. The ordinary narrative is that these women are jealous co-wives, always fighting and bickering with the main woman. The feminists think such women are products of our patriarchal society, they resent such women, they think these women are weak traditionalists who perpetuate male superiority. Some call these women prostitutes. True, for a moment, the relationship might seem parasitic, but at the end of the day, it's all about self gratification, and maybe just another search for happiness.


This is what I like about poetry. It gives me freedom to imagine lives that I have not lived, and to make powerful statements about our society. I would love my poetry to inspire while also educating different people. I am happiest whenever I receive feedback that one of my pieces has touched someone. That, to me, is like fresh jasmine at dawn…


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Watch Side Dish on youtube http://youtu.be/we_pdjFTtWk

Acen Miriam Carolyne loves to read and write poetry, especially spoken word, since she loves her poems to appear theatrical. She started writing while in secondary school, but only recently became a fully fledged poet. She mostly publishes her works on social media platforms, and this year, she came second in the Muwado Love Letter Writing Competition.